I admit that I am basic. This is part of my personality. But there are limits to my basicness. For example, like, with all the other people I know posting longer posts to Facebook and Instagram with their take on 2018. They are always personal, but quite vague. Like, there were ups. AND DOWNS. For a lot of these people, I know what the ups and downs are. A new baby, a new marriage, a new job. Or maybe breakups, divorces, job changes.
But some others, I don’t know. I want to ask, but I don’t want to be nosy. The person shared what they were comfortable with. If they wanted to say more they would have. I have a friend who did not spend it with his “girlfriend”. He thanked friends for inviting him to spend NYE with them because it would be “uncomfortable” otherwise. Are they breaking up? *Checks social media feeds for both and cannot confirm nor deny this is the case.* Of course, before I blaze ahead with a “What’s going on?” DM, I remember, IT’S NONE OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS.
But, I just couldn’t bring myself to add to all of the Reflections on 2018 that are flooding social media right now. Maybe it’s because to me, 2018 was hard. I didn’t lose my job, my family, or my home, but it was still hard as fuck. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer in Fall 2018, it was the event that came to dominate the year for me, no doubt. But honestly, it feel like it was par for the course in 2018.
Here is the thing: I am not going to add another generic, “Looking for grace and loving myself in 2019” post because as basic as I am, I am not THAT basic. But, also, I am not going to post to Facebook or Instagram about how hard it was, because I know that there are people in my life who went through a lot worse. Up until my mom’s diagnosis the hardest thing about 2018 was how stressful it was and how I acutely I felt the stress. I concede that the stress is all my own making; essentially, I work three jobs and don’t have enough hours in the day to do the stuff that I know I need to in order to manage this stress. And it’s not like the stress of losing a loved one or becoming homeless. But its a stress that ground me down all year; 50 weeks of working 50+ hours a week took their toll.
But again, my hard is not your hard. So, instead of doing that, I am going to wrap up 2018 by posting some numbers.
In 2018, I “read” 50 books (in Good Reads’ Reading Challenge). I say “read” because while I read a decent portion of physical and ebooks, I also listened to many. I had set the goal of 25 books, but during the summer, I surpassed this goal and kept it going. My goal is to read 52 books this year, but am not confident that I am going to reach it because I have to finish some of the long Man Booker books I have started (looking at you “Wolf Hall” and “Luminaries”).
In 2018, I lifted about 60 times. This is pathetic. But, to be fair, I really needed to re-evaluate my attitude towards gym. Basically I used to start the quarter strong working out, and then 5 weeks in abandon ship because the quarter really starts to pick up. And its not that I stop working out, I just slow it way down. I go from 4-5 days a week to maybe 1. But, my attitude has changed. I need to workout to manage stress, because medicating with booze, sleep, and carbs is frowned upon in this establishment!!
In 2018, I think I played in about 150 soccer games. Between my two coed teams, my women’s teams, and the various teams I picked up for, I am overall, pretty pleased with this. In 2019, I’d like to start playing in the field. That would fix your wagon.
In 2018, I competed in six judo tournaments. I am pleased with this number. I’d like to compete in at least 6 tournaments in 2019.
Here is to hoping 2019 includes more of what I love and less of what I dislike.